Well, as I said in my last post, I was taking some time to reunite with old friends via Facebook and in person. This group was old Florida Jaycees that I served with 40 years ago, people in music I went through high school and college. My music friends went on to serve lead roles in the Army and Air Force bands, performing at with the Chicago Symphony and Carnegie Hall, producer, and drummer for Dolly Parton and drummer for Three Dog Night. Director of bands at Eastern Florida State College.
In my Jaycee friends, one is a mayor, another a city councilman, a head of security worldwide for a major bank, a retired principal at a major high school, and the list goes on, and they all are my dearest friends. We have genuinely missed each other over the years.
We all are bound by the act that we were ordinary people with the heart of God doing extraordinary things, albeit at times irreverently. The back and forth with a lunch gathering or Facebook and texts was another oasis for me in my battle with depression. After this gathering of souls, I have found a useful antidote for depression that my fellow followers can relate to. Find friends, laugh at those crazy times, and yes, our bloopers, a few tears over the amazing things you did together. The different timelines are interwoven with America’s history, even though we were just a wisp in winds of time. Even if you don’t think you have done anything extraordinary in your life rest assured, God knows all the amazing things you were a part of and the people you shared them with.
I recommend that you find some old farts as I did. When you talk about old times, you will discover a treasure of memories of where you were and the differences you made in people around you, A pat on the back, someone who listened when they just needed to be heard or vent to. These seemingly small things made you amazing even if you weren’t on stage getting an award or getting applause and accolades. God knows your heart, and the greatest feeling is to feel the words no matter the size of the accomplishment “with you, I am pleased, faithful servant.”
The greatest of leaders are servant leaders that take you by the hand and say, come on, we can do this together, and I’ll be there for and with you. No matter how small or how huge your project is, all of us matter. It sounds a lot like Jesus. We are called to be like him, no matter what you believe. You lived and served, so you are worthy and loved.
Don’t get discouraged, my friends; you are loved by people you never realized just how close you really are until you stop and gaze back at far you have come. The journey was hard and sometimes narrow and times hopeless, but you are an overcomer. And you are still standing, you mattered. All of you mattered in one way or another. You were created for the moment, the future you really can’t know, and the tarnished past can be polished by remembering the good you did and share it with others.
Now a caution here, my fellow depressants. As you enjoy these reunion moments, push your depression to the rear. Don’t bring your friends to a pity party or bitch and moan about your situation. Savor the moment and the preciousness of this time together. Please don’t bring them down into your pit of despair, give them a chance to lift you with laughter and tears of joy. It will be like a cool fresh sea breeze you haven’t felt for a long time because they are yearning for these reflections as you are. No matter what kind of life you’ve had, there were moments of peace and fun even when you played together as kids getting into mischief; a fish you caught, a first prom looking so elegant, and your date fumbling around to get the corsage just right, slamming your gorgeous dress in the door, that first kiss, that concert in the high school band that was just perfect and made your band director cry with pride, that pass you caught when nobody thought you could, sitting under the tree in the grass dreaming about a world yet to be, BB gun wars, playing in the snow, passing a college exam you thought you didn’t study hard enough to make it. You did these and countless other milestones you passed and still more to come even if in this present state you have to return to baby steps, you are moving forward, and you have mattered and DO matter.
Pray and ask and keep asking. God doesn’t keep time as we do. Be patient. Much easier said than done, especially in this screwed up world we have right now. Remember, none of this is your fault. Only your life, your goodness of heart, and your will to keep trying are what matters. Those memorable experiences shared with others matter; the bad doesn’t matter because you are forgiven by the One that really matters. Our earthly love hurts, like the song says sometimes, but His love never hurts or hurts beyond what we can stand for it is Agape love, no conditions just pure love that happens even when we don’t seem to deserve it.
I have no informed cure for depression. I asked my neurologist if I was mentally ill, and he said yes. I was pissed and taken aback, then I caught myself and thought this guy had given me chemicals, which I only take seizure meds for (by the way I had another one about a week ago putting a crimp in my writing inspiration). His answer to that was up the dosage, but nobody really knows what causes them, and they come without warning and scares the crap out of my family and me. I got some excellent advice from one of my fellow bloggers, and since by my title, I attract many people. Many younger females, I surmise ladies tend to express their feelings, maybe while men hold it in.
That is, mental illness doesn’t mean your crazy town or a serial killer; most people are helped many times with meds or toughed through like me. My depression or mental illness is mainly due to being partially debilitated by the stroke, limiting my ability to drive because of the loss of peripheral vision on my left side and unpredictability of my seizures. This results in a huge loss of freedom and mobility and freedom to be the provider in chief and a hard-charging overachiever. It really sucks and makes me depressed. I overcome it many times but have setbacks and have to start over about halfway up the hill, so I regroup and try again no matter how frustrating it gets.
Thank God for my wife, who preps my meds, endures my frustrations, and carts me around, and I have a few friends that load my miserable ass up to go to Sonny’s BBQ for all you can eat ribs. That will hold me over for a while with well-needed fellowship and damn good BBQ. My mind is sharp. I’ve lost about 70 pounds and am otherwise healthy. I’m a functional, mentally ill person, my eccentricity and creative mind have been with me since birth. My faith is battered and bruised, but I still wait upon the LORD, what else can I do. I trudge forward in search of my future purpose and draw comfort from those wonderful memories and the good friends I shared them with. I draw upon these for a brief period of time. I wait upon the LORD from the beauty of my wonderful but aging house and my precious family and call upon the LORD for discernment and perseverance. Switching gears, on my next post, I want to talk about love. I think I have experience in this, with three marriages (I think the last one finally stuck) and one wonderful kid to go with each. We’ll explore “What is Love,” and I don’t mean the 1990’s song by Haddaway, but it has some appropriate words, lol. Thank you to all my fellow bloggers and followers for your collective insight and support. I need all the help I can get.
Tales from Depression and Dealing with it. 